bank rates

Revised Financial Terminology for 2008

Hat tip to The Big Picture for posting up this bit of Wednesday humor.

CEO –Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO– Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER — What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW — The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use.

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Comments (23)
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23 Existing Comments
  1. 411 Realty,Inc said:
    on October 8th at 10:19 am

    Bold and far reaching- Uk bail out Oct.8,,market rebound today! Its all about Real Estate–

  2. SensibleFinance said:
    on October 8th at 12:39 pm

    Very ammusing . . . and frighteningly true I fear. I’ll add one more: SUB PRIME – skint

  3. Real Homes for Real People said:
    on October 8th at 02:09 pm

    Glad you can see the sunny side of this – ok, maybe laughter’s the best medicine. Does this mean that the tide is turning and we’re out of the woods??

    M

  4. Jeff said:
    on October 8th at 04:14 pm

    Good one

  5. Cynthia said:
    on October 8th at 05:42 pm

    Thanks! I needed that!

  6. Greenskeeper said:
    on October 8th at 06:56 pm

    Somewhat humorous, but I hope people remember that there are good people in corporate leadership and the financial industry.

  7. Derrick B. said:
    on October 8th at 07:48 pm

    With all the negative talk around banking lately, we really needed a little wit and humor. Thank You!

  8. Sammy Ashouri said:
    on October 8th at 08:49 pm

    YAHOO – What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

    WINDOWS – What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

    HAHAHAHAHA. I LOVEE IT!

  9. Jerry (Denver CO) said:
    on October 8th at 11:51 pm

    Bid / Ask Example of compromise: WF gets Wachovia, Wachovia recieves what Citi bid. The Fed get the ballance + what Citi proposed to absorb. Is everybody happy?

  10. Hank said:
    on October 9th at 12:44 am

    No worries for a guy who just made 15 million smackers. Maybe a bank CEO will knocking on your door to do yard work for food soon.

  11. Hank said:
    on October 9th at 12:51 am

    I’m glad to see those management guys at AIG each received $400,000 bonuses and a nice golf & spa getaway weekend on the US taxpayers bailout dime. They sure deserved it.

    Now if only someone could post their home address online I think a few hard working tax payers would like to go personally congratulate them.

  12. 401kcrap said:
    on October 9th at 02:17 am

    My 401k plunged 30% so far. 🙁

  13. Ruslan Popa said:
    on October 9th at 02:57 pm

    I think I’ve wetted my pant while reading this 🙂

  14. Investor Buffett said:
    on October 9th at 06:18 pm

    Lol very funny. You’ve got an idea for a whole new dictionary there ! It’s good to see bankers eating some humble pie for once after the mess they’ve made of the economy, while lecturing us all about the need for prudence !

  15. Invoice Factoring Blog said:
    on October 9th at 06:51 pm

    The one on Yahoo and Windows was just too funny.

    Cheers,
    Marco

  16. Ron L said:
    on October 9th at 09:32 pm

    You forgot…

    “Bailout” = No Bank Left Behind.

  17. Mary A said:
    on October 10th at 04:24 am

    Hands down, “BEAR MARKET – A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.” is the funniest.

  18. Franco Praderio said:
    on October 10th at 05:06 am

    I will add:

    CREDIT DEFAULT SWAPS = The God’s mathematic formula used by Jesus Christ (i hope He pardon me to use Him) to multiply breads and fishs at the Canah wedding party…

  19. FixThePig said:
    on October 10th at 05:14 am

    This would make for a great office poster! Pretty funny stuff.

  20. TrueFinanceNow said:
    on October 12th at 01:05 am

    Great list! This is what keeps us going–our sense of humor–it’s what makes this country so great.

    Just remember, the stock market is a very good long term investment tool–over fifteen years you can average more than 10%.

    It’s the short term that can get ya.

    Diversify your money (spread it out over several accounts in different industries you understand at 1-3 institutions, and only have about 50-60% in stocks, 30-40% in bonds, and 10-20% cash if you’re under 50 years old usually, and you can ride it out for a couple of decades.

    Buy reverse ETFs to hedge against the stocks and you’ll be riding up and down at the same time, offsetting your returns.

    It’s not easy, but you’ve got to have a long term strategy on companies that have true value.

    If you’ve lost recently, don’t panic, you can rebuild over time. If you’re over 50, well, I suggest you take some vitamins and start exercising so you can keep working to rebuild!

    Chin up, people!

  21. Robin said:
    on October 13th at 05:14 pm

    Got a great laugh from this post! Although there’s a bit of the double-edge sword in the laugh…ouch. Enjoyed most of the comments to this one too. There is still some humor left out there.

    Thanks!
    Robin
    http://www.firedupcareers.com

  22. Trent Brownrigg said:
    on October 17th at 05:16 pm

    Haha that’s hilarious! I loved it. Can’t decide which one is my favorite, they are all good.

  23. Jay said:
    on October 22nd at 09:29 am

    You are soo awesome. You’re my idol.

    Jay
    http://www.economycurrentevents.com