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Our Potluck Dinner With The Economic Elite

I hope you’re having a wonderful Thanksgiving with friends and family.

Mrs. Saver and I are hosting our annual potluck dinner for the economic elite, and I’ve got to tell you, this year’s gathering is not in a festive mood.

Here’s who’s joined us and what they’re up to:

Jamie Dimon (CEO of J.P. Morgan Chase) claimed his usual spot at the head of the table and broke out several bottles of exquisite wine – for himself. The chauffeur carted in two boxes of Boone’s Farm for the rest of us.

Ben Bernanke (Chairman of the Federal Reserve Board) is droning on and on about his recipe for sautéed asparagus. He never seems to listen when we tell him we’re tired of him bringing asparagus to the table year after year after year. Only pauses to refill Jamie’s wine glass for him.

Elizabeth Warren (White House consumer advocate) provided the turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, gravy and cranberry sauce but no one wants to sit next to her.

Lloyd Blankfein (Goldman Sachs CEO) filled several large “take out” containers of food before dinner was even served. When Elizabeth told him to put it back, Lloyd offered the Bart Simpson defense: “I didn’t do it. Nobody saw me do it. You can’t prove anything.” He then grabbed the chair at the other end of the table from Jamie.

Mitch McConnell (Senate Minority Leader) plunked a bottle of bourbon down on the serving table and stalked off. He won’t talk to anyone. He won’t watch football with the guys. He won’t join us for dinner.

Alan Kaufman (CEO of Melrose Credit Union) brought the most delicious apple pie you’ve ever tasted for dessert. Although there was plenty for everyone Jamie stubbornly shook his head and wouldn’t even try a piece.

Barak Obama (President of the United States) has been so gracious and welcoming towards everyone. But after filling Jamie’s plate for him, Barak went to have dinner at the kid’s table.

Timothy Geithner (Treasury Secretary) has spent the entire day in our kitchen trying to make vegetable soup. Several times during the afternoon he insisted it was just right, but then Jamie and Lloyd would dip their silver spoons into the simmering broth and pronounce that it needed more of this or less of that. At one point a tearful Timmy had to pour the whole thing out and start over.

Ken Lewis (Former Bank of America CEO) was desperate for an invitation even though he really isn’t part of the group anymore. So we let him come in the back door and wash the dishes. He seemed pathetically grateful.

But isn’t that what Thanksgiving is all about?

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  1. leantoright said:
    on November 25th at 11:28 am

    Hilarious! I’ll bet Blankfein insisted on giving grace since he’s been so busy “doing God’s work.”